Addiction
by ILikeOranges
Summary: Serena and Nate didn't have an affair, they had an addiction. S/N for the most part with S/D, B/C, B/N, D/V
1. Preface

**This is the teaser for my new fanfic! I closed my poll on my profile, most of the votes went towards a Romance and Drama fic, so this will be a S/N one for a change. **

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"You know we shouldn't be doing this…" Serena trailed off, panting a little, momentarily pulling away from Nate's face. Even in the dark room, he could see Serena's guilty expression.  
"I know, but I can't help myself."  
Neither of them could help themselves. They both knew it was morally wrong to cheat on Blair and Dan, but this was something that could not be controlled. They loved each other, they only thought about each other, they both had other relationships, but they were always drawn together. It was an addiction.  
They wanted to stop, they needed to stop, they knew that they were hurting Blair and Dan in the long run, but they also needed each other.  
Serena ran her hands through Nate's honey-blond hair and they made their way towards her bed.  
They always said this time would be the last but somehow, they always ended up making-out in Serena's bed again. Blair always suspected something, but she brushed it off, and Dan was oblivious as well. No one ever guessed at it, well, no one believed it was real.

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**This is only a preview but REVIEW! I wanna know if anyone is willing to read this! I have one or two rough chapters sketched out so if I get enough reviews this will be my next project!  
Thanks for Reading!  
-Sammy6618  
(P.S I'm SO sorry for anyone who has me on author alerts that I haven't posted anything in a while, I've had a case of writers block for a while now...)**


	2. Prince Charming

**This is the first actual chapter of the story! It's a better explaination of my original teaser. And I forgot to explain in the first chapter, this story takes place something in the first season, right around the time Blair and Nate were still dating and Chuck was still somewhat irrelavent. I'll consider adding him to the story later on.  
So enjoy!  
Disclaimer: I own nothing...**

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_**Golden? Or was it really brass?  
Good Morning Upper East Siders! I've got an interesting tip for you. Looks like our favorite Golden boy N and our supposed newly reformed good girl S aren't so innocent after all. My informants tell me that they were seen making out in the halls of a certain hotel. Sadly, there were no pictures. Don't worry though, a scandal as big as this should send some your way soon enough. Wonder if the Queen B knows anything.  
You know you love me,  
xoxo Gossip Girl**_

Blair shut her phone in disgust. She was getting sick of Gossip Girl's lies. She knew Nate would never cheat on her, but a small part of her still wondered if it was true. She walked into the hall, and immediately saw Nate talking with Serena by her locker. It didn't look like anything more than friendship. She saw Nate's eyes flicker towards her, smiled, and approached them.  
Serena smiled at Blair, trying to cover the guilt buried beneath her calm appearance.  
"Hey B, how are you this morning?"  
"Wonderful, daddy's going to come back in a day or two to visit, and Nate, I believe we have a date tonight." Blair turned towards the boy and batted her eyelashes.  
"W-w-we do?" He asked, stuttering. He had planned on meeting Serena again to talk about their current situation. Serena flashed him a reassuring smile and mouthed for him to go with her.  
Blair didn't notice, she took the stuttering as excitement and leaned in to give him a quick peck before walking off to class.  
"Go with her, what we're doing is wrong anyways, this is your chance to make it up to her."  
Nate missed her look of regret after she said the words.  
"But-"Serena cut him off.  
"I wanted to mean it that time when I told you it was going to be the last time we were going back to my room. I love Blair, she's like a sister to me and I never want to hurt her again." Nate understood. She grabbed her books and walked off towards her class.  
This was a dilemma they always had to face, either stay together and hurt others or keep everyone happy but themselves by separating. They could never decide, so they found a compromise, with the price of endless guilt. They were addicted to the other, it was the only way to properly explain it. It was an addiction, an unhealthy obsession. So far they have been somewhat lucky, no one believed they were together, but one slip up could result in an irreversible mistake.

**(Serena's POV)**  
I walked towards the school doors on my way to meet Blair for lunch at the school steps, I checked my bag and noticed that my cell phone was still in my locker so I turned to get it but Nate stopped me from behind. He lightly tugged on my arm, trying to get me into an empty room to talk. I reluctantly agreed, knowing that I should talk to him and try to sort this out. I walked into the now abandoned science room and turned to face him.  
"Serena, we need to talk about this."  
"I know. We need to stop meeting at night, this will end badly if we continue. I care about you, but I still love Dan, and I know you love Blair."  
"But I love you too, I always have. I like Blair, I really do, but if I had to choose, I'd pick you."  
"But you're not going to choose, I'm not going to open my door the next time you knock on it, and I'll only talk to you in school and maybe after school. Blair needs you, she loves you, and you are her prince charming as far as she's concerned. I also have Dan who I can't stand hurting." She paused and saw his hurt face, she continued in a softer tone, "I'm sorry, but it's the only way. We can ruin our entire future with one slip up, we should never have even kissed the first night you came over. Let's just fix this while we still can."  
I didn't give him a chance to reply, I just ran out of the room slamming the door behind me. I heard him call my name but I ignored it and walked as quickly as I could back to my locker for my phone, hoping to call Dan and make myself feel better. I opened the phone and saw that the screen was blurry and I noticed that I was crying, tears dripping onto the screen. I slipped the cell phone into my bag and dashed back to the washroom hoping to clean myself up a little but instead I just sat in the corner and spent all of lunch period crying. I wondered why I always did this: Sacrificed my own happiness for others while hurting myself all the same. It hurt, a lot, but I could deal with it for the most part. I questioned myself, asked why this decision hurt me more than any other. I should have been happy, relieved that the problems were finally going to be resolved and that I could be with Dan now. But I wasn't.

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**So what did you guys think? Hit or miss? I just spend an hour writing it :P Thanks goes out to the 2 people who reviewed my teaser! On a side note, I got nominated for MsTwitter Canada and I need all the support I can get! I'm only a couple spots from the top so it would mean a lot to me if some of you went and voted for me(link in the profile)! I also really appreciate the feedback because it makes me want to write more and it improves my writing! so please REVIEW!  
Thanks for reading!  
-Sammy6618**


	3. Distractions

**The next chapter of Addiction is finished! This one is shorter than the last but it's just meant to better show their relationship to each other and to Dan and Blair.  
Enjoy!  
Disclaimer: Plot is mine, the characters and the setting is not mine.**

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(**Nate's POV**)  
I made my way back to Blair after Serena ran off. I looked around the halls a little but gave up when I realized that she probably wouldn't want to see me anyways. Blair was commanding one of her minions to do something for her as usual and I internally groaned when I saw her notice me. She walked over, kissed me, and then she placed my arm around her waist and showed me off to her friends like I was a trophy rather than a boyfriend. I loved Blair but she was always trying to be perfect and it was getting slightly annoying.  
I loved Serena because she was the opposite of Blair, carefree, and relaxed. I wanted Serena, but I would break Blair in the process. She put on a face for the public but I knew her long enough to know that she was fragile and I never wanted to be the one who had to break her.  
Halfway through lunch, I saw Serena walking out the school doors. I knew better than to acknowledge her but I saw her eyes. They were red and puffy. Her eyeliner was roughly smudged on and her hair was a mess. She walked over to our group while running her hands through her hair and fixing her shirt.  
I knew from her facial expression that she just finished crying through half of lunch period. Blair never even saw it. She was oblivious to Serena's obvious sadness.  
She lightly greeted us and sat down on the other side of Blair. She smiled her usual smile but her eyes were blank. Serena opened her phone and pretended to look for something, but I knew she was avoiding me. I watched her put on her façade in front of Blair for a while, wondering how anybody could be so blind to someone's obvious pain and soon realized it was because I paid more attention to Serena than most. I wanted to go and comfort her, but she would reject the offer and walk away.  
I looked down in defeat, there was nothing left to do. Blair was now ignoring me and telling one of her "friends" to go bully another poor girl and Serena pulled out a magazine and started reading through it. I quickly mumbled to the group that I was leaving to see Chuck before I stood up and briskly walked off.  
I didn't bother going back to school for the rest of the day, I wouldn't be able to concentrate anyways so I snuck off to a local coffee shop and just stayed there for the rest of the afternoon, letting myself drown within my thoughts while drinking a latte.

(**Serena's POV**)  
After the tears stopped I looked at the clock and realized I was late and Blair would be expecting me so I quickly applied some make up over my smudged mascara and ran off, trying to fix my hair and clothes along the way. I saw Nate next to Blair on the steps and hoped that he would remain there. I said a quick "hi" to everyone and tried to be happy when I saw that Blair didn't notice anything. She was her usual self, talking to her friends and smiling.  
I couldn't help but see Nate's worried glances at me from the corner of my eye, he probably knew I just finished crying. I reached into my bag and frantically searched for something to keep my mind off of him and was glad to find my cell phone. I looked through it and found Dan's number, I internally debated on whether or not to call him but I went against it when I realized he would be studying right now in the school library. I lost interest in my phone when I started feeling guilty again so I looked through my bag again for something else to do and I smiled when I found a copy of a magazine.  
I spent the rest of lunch looking through it, mindlessly absorbing the useless celebrity trivia and enjoying the articles about the latest scandal. When lunch ended, I looked up and was surprised to find that Nate left. I didn't even notice and that bothered me more than it should. I shrugged it off, I knew I needed to forget him and I needed to distance myself from him in order to detach myself from the guilt. So I hurried off to class with Blair.

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**So what did you guys think? I didn't have a whole lot of diologue because neither of them are paying attention to whay Blair is yelling at her "friends" about. On a SIDE NOTE, I'm running for MsTwitter Canada!(right now I'm in forth place but if you want you can go vote for me! Link is in my profile, you don't need an account or anything like that to vote, just click that blue + sign next to my name.)  
So Thank You SOOO much for reading! Remember to REVIEW and tell me what you think!  
-Sammy6618**


	4. Reunion

**The next chapter to Addiction! I started it right after the last one so that it would be here ASAP. I made this one as long as possible and I tried to make it interesting too to thank EVERYONE who has been helping me out and voting for me for MsTwitter Canada because I'm in 5th place now and I'm REALLY happy! the voting for it is still happening for the next 4 days so if you still want to vote for me, link in my profile.  
This chapter was harder to write because I have it visualized in my head but I need to write it in a way that doesn't make Nate seem fickle and dumb, and doesn't make Serena seem slutty. I hope I acomplished that.  
So Enjoy!  
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the strange plot...  
**

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A month passed. Then two. And eventually, half a year went by.  
(Serena's POV)  
The TV was getting boring. It's where I spent most of my time now when I wasn't with Dan. I groaned and rolled over on the couch, trying to relax myself.  
Suddenly someone knocked on the door. I looked over, surprised that someone would come over at this time. I opened the door expecting Blair or maybe Dan but in front of me was Nate. His eyes were sad and he didn't change when he saw me. He didn't say anything, he just pulled out his phone and showed me a picture off of Gossip Girl's blog. In the picture was Blair feverously kissing Chuck in what appeared to be a bar. I understood immediately and let him in. I led him over to the couch, sat down with him and put my arm around him, trying to comfort him. I noticed he was swaying a little then I saw that he was drunk.  
"She's been cheating on me." He finally said, "She's been cheating on me for more than 3 months. And to top it off, with Chuck Bass. She didn't even bother apologizing, she just told me it's over and ran off with him."  
I thought about the irony of the whole situation, I haven't talked to Nate this much in over half a year. Just when I thought I finally had it all worked out, this had to happen. In some ways, I was annoyed at Blair, she cheated on her boyfriend with his best friend and wouldn't even bother apologizing afterwards. But I would feel like a total hypocrite if I went and told Blair that.  
I let the subject drop, and just focused on the boy who looked like he was about to cry. Nate didn't want to admit it, but he still loved Blair.  
I kept my arms around him while he explained what happened in further detail. He was in a daze, he just stared at the wall in front of him. He must have just come over from a bar, he seemed really out of it. He swayed a little and his words slurred consistently. His bright green eyes were now dull and cold.  
"Serena?" He slurred out.  
"Yes?"  
"Thanks, for listening, I just really needed someone to talk to. I'll go now, it's getting late."  
He tried to stand up but he stumbled so I grabbed his hand and helped him up.  
"You're not going anywhere until you're sober again, Nate. You're drunk off your ass and I'm worried."  
"Okay."  
I helped him back to my bed where I set him down and sat next to him, I've never seen him this drunk in my life and it was unsettling. He collapsed onto my bed, his sad expression temporarily replaced with a small smile. He patted his side, asking me to join him. I slowly laid down and turned to look at him.  
He had deep rings under his eyes and his hair was a complete mess. His shirt was wrinkled and had a moist spot from when he spilled some Vodka. But nothing was more worrisome than his eyes. They lost their sparkle and turned into a dull olive color, rather than the usual bright green. That's when I realized, Blair broke him.  
He looked back at me and smiled some more before rolling over to look at me.  
"I miss Blair." He said quietly.  
"I know, I still can't believe she left you for Chuck Bass. You're a great guy and it was the worst timing too."  
He sighed and rolled over on his back again.  
"I wasn't good enough, I cheated on her, then I tried to repair the unknown damage later on. It's just ironic how the situation works out."  
I moved closer to him and gave him a hug, I hated seeing him like this. I could still smell the alcohol off his body but I didn't care, I was used to the smell by now.  
"At least you tried."  
I don't know what got into him next, he lean in towards me and kissed me. It felt gentle and calm, he wasn't forcing it. But I wasn't shocked because he was kissing me, I was shocked because I was kissing him back. Memories flooded back as his lips moved against mine, I was beginning to enjoy it. Then I realized what we were doing.  
I pulled apart from him, and was forced to look at the pained expression on his face again. We stared at each other for a minute, trying to figure out what just happened but were unable to come up with an explanation.  
I stood up and went to get him some water to sober him up a little. When I got back he already passed out. I smiled when I heard him mumble in his sleep and laid down next to him. Soon I was asleep.

A couple hours later I woke up again, it was light outside so I assumed it was the afternoon already. I rolled over and bumped into Nate to my surprise but he smiled a little and greeted me.  
"Good morning Serena."  
"How long have you been up? I didn't notice you woke up at all. Do you have a hangover?"  
"I'm fine. I woke up about an hour ago, got myself some Tylenol and water, and came back."  
"Why didn't you wake me up?"  
"You looked so peaceful and at ease, I didn't want to disturb you."  
"Are you okay though? You seemed pretty depressed yesterday."  
"I'm better now. I swear. I'll get over it." He paused for a second, thinking, before continuing, "By the way, I'm sorry about what happened last night. It was irrational and stupid and I wasn't thinking-"  
"It's okay, it was just a kiss. You were drunk and weren't thinking straight. I'm fine with it."  
He relaxed a little once I said that and leaned in to kiss me on the cheek.  
"And thanks Serena, for everything. I should go now."

_Reunion or one-night stand?  
Our favourite golden boy N was spotted outside S's room last night as drunk as a frat boy. Looks like a reunion. My spies also reported that B was spotted fighting with N before she left with C. If the stories add up as well as they seem then Lonely-boy had better watch out, he has competition. He might live up to his nickname after all. _  
_You know you love me,  
XOXO Gossip Girl_

**

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**

I REALLY hope you liked that! It was interesting to write. I still want to thank EVERYONE who reviews, favourites, or adds this story to their alerts! I still want to thank the people who have been voting for me for MsTwitter Canada! I really appreciate all of it!  
But remember to REVIEW!!! Tell me what you thought of this chapter! I don't care if you hate it, tell me why and I'll try to fix whatever I can. Feedback is good, it helps me improve and it helps me write!  
Thank you SO MUCH for reading!  
-Sammy6618

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	5. Assumptions

**I am SOOOOO sorry for neglecting this story for so long! I know I haven't updated in about 2 months now and I am REALLY sorry! But I had a LOT to do at school, I had several other accounts to manage, and I also got some accounts for fanfiction on some other sites. Above that I also started co-writing with some people on this chaptered Twilight story in my spare time along with my blog and my everything else. And then I have to sleep and look out for my social life so the last month has been killing me. But don't worry, I'm going to try VERY hard to continue this story, I was at a bit of a crossroads with the next couple of chapters and I've finally decided on how this story will go and this will be a fairly long story.  
****So yeah...  
****Enjoy!  
** **Disclaimer: None of this is real (duh), I own nothing, I just make up weird stories...**  


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Dan paced around the small coffee shop, Serena was over an hour late and he was getting annoyed. He already finished his coffee so he started talking to Vanessa who was smiling pleasantly at him from the counter.  
"Ok, what happened?" Dan asked, slightly worried about the answer.  
"Nothing."  
"I know that isn't true, you have that 'I told you so' smile on your face again."  
She sighed and looked at him seriously this time, "Trust me, it's not very pleasant. But I know why Serena is late and why she probably won't come for the rest of the day."  
"Have you been spying on her or something?" He added jokingly.  
"No, well, not me." She turned the computer on her desk to reveal Gossip Girl's website and right on the front page was a picture of Blair glaring at Nate while Chuck watched from the background. Apparently, Nate went to visit Serena after the fight.  
Dan began to feel a little sick, his brain was telling him to calm down, and to remember that Serena was his loyal girlfriend who would never cheat on him while the rest of his body just ignored logic and broke down. He sat down in a chair and buried his face in his palms trying to keep himself from drawing conclusions.  
He stood up and quickly told Vanessa that he was going to visit Serena before running off in the direction of the hotel she was staying at. He dug in his pockets for a keycard and was relieved to find one in his wallet. He ran through the lobby, bumping into various people who scowled at him in response. Once in the elevator he began frantically pressing the button to her floor and he leaped out of the car before the doors even opened completely.  
On the other side was Nate, his clothes smelling of Vodka and wrinkled, with deep black rings under his eyes and a loose tie draped around his neck.  
"Oh, um, hi Dan." He greeted, trying to make his smile look warm.  
Dan gave him a brief glare before he stumbled through the hotel hall towards Serena's room. He knocked on her door but impatience got the best of him and he used his keycard to get inside. Serena was sitting up on her bed, still in pajamas, looking confused when Dan burst in.  
"Hey Dan, what's up? Why are you here so early?"  
"Because of this" He reached into his pocket for his cell phone and opened it to show her Gossip Girl's latest article.  
She scanned through it and understood his worry. She looked up and began to explain when Dan interrupted.  
"Serena, I can't believe you would do this to me! How could you cheat on me with Nate Archibald? Do you have any self respect at all?"  
Serena looked back at him, shocked. "What? Since when do you read Gossip Girl?"  
"That's beside the point, my question is, did you sleep with him or not?"  
"Of course not! H-How could you even think that? Don't you trust me?"  
"So you expect me to believe that a guy came over in the middle of the night drunk as hell, stayed the night with you, slept in the same bed as you, and nothing happened? Honestly Serena, this is getting old, I-I can't deal right now," He turned around and opened the door, "I'll talk to you later." He finished with a note of annoyance in his tone.  
Serena stared back at the door and tried to understand what just happened. She felt a tear slip down her cheek and she soon broke down in tears.

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**Sorry about how this chapter is shorter than my past couple of chapters but my two goals for this story is to not do any fluff chapters and to not make it as chiche as my last chaptered story. I will work on this story whenever I have any spare time but if you want you can also follow me on Twitter (Sammy6618, link in profile) for updates just basically on what I am working on or doing.  
Now for something off topic, I've been reading through a couple new genres of fanfiction, and a couple more fandoms. I've just finished reading The Vampire Diaries and I've been reading some celeb fanfiction as well like stuff by Fall Out Boy Fans(Peterick), Panic! fans (Ryden) and stuff like that so after I finish this story I might work on my other fanfiction accounts a little and try to write some slash stuff.  
But overall I just want to THANK YOU all SO much for the reviews and support! I REALLY appreciate it! and remember to REVIEW on this chapter too! I wanna hear what you all think!  
Sorry about the long A/Ns  
-Sammy6618 :P **


	6. Bitter

_**I've decided to just keep the chapters slightly shorter but just try to update more frequently. I realised that it's easier to update this way and it won't make it seem like I'm fluffing up any chapters.  
****Enjoy!  
****Disclaimer: I own nothing.**  
_

_

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Lonely-boy lonely once again?  
Hey Upper East Siders. Today some major drama happened over at a certain hotel. Our (not so) golden boy N was spotted walking out of S's room followed by a short visit from Lonely-boy himself. Looks like S tried to run after him. (pictures below) What's that we see S? Frustration or guilt?  
Meanwhile my informants tell me that B is back with C. Hmm, sounds interesting. Stick around for the juicy details.  
You know you love me,  
XOXO Gossip Girl_

Dan stormed back into the coffee shop. Vanessa looked back at his red face, a smirk on her face, about to torture him with a lecture of 'I told you so' 's until she saw the steam practically coming out from his ears.  
"Okay Dan, calm down. Tell me what happened." She said in a calm tone.  
"You were right, I was wrong, can we get this over with and skip to the part where you leave me alone?" He turned and sat down in a nearby chair.  
"You should have guessed that I wouldn't leave you alone when you came through that door. Now tell me what happened or I'll call up Ser-"  
"Don't. I'll just leave." He started getting up but stopped when Vanessa came over and tugged his arm until he sat down again, joining him at the table.  
"Come on Dan, I hate when you're like this. Spill, what happened?"  
"I'm not a thirteen year old girl."  
"But you're acting like one. So tell me what happened," she paused and gave him a knowing look, "You know you're going to tell me at some point anyways so why not just speed up the process?"  
"Will you leave me alone?"  
"Yeah, and it can't be _that bad, _can it? I mean, you overreact easily."  
"You tell me. You wake up after 5 hours of sleep to make it in time for a date with your girlfriend only to find out that one of her old flings went back to visit her the night before drunk off his ass and alone after breaking up with his girlfriend. Then you get over there and the guy is just coming out from her room and she is still in her bed. And during all this time you know that she has a history of fucking almost every guy in town. But the worst part is that you expect it from her. Yes, that is just _so_ not worth getting mad over." He finished with annoyance and sarcasm clear in his voice.  
"Maybe it was a misunderstanding."  
"His clothes were wrinkled and he was reeking of vodka and Serena's perfume."  
"Ouch. Well, maybe it will work out?"  
"You sound _so_ sure of yourself." He added bitterly.  
"I hate when you're like this." She added, rolling her eyes. " Look, I'm only trying to help, if you don't want any I'll go back to work." She sighed, holding her hands up and walking away from him, grabbing her cup of coffee and taking a gulp from it before returning to the unwiped tables.  
Dan sat in silence for a moment, taking notice of the awkward vibe he was getting and turned back towards his friend again, a gentle smile on his face, "I'm sorry, I know I'm being a total ass today and I'll make it up to you later but I'm just in a bad mood okay? It's not personal."  
"Then make it up to me now, I saw this trailer for this awesome horror movie that I wanna go check out. You're totally forgiven if you take me."  
"Since when do you watch horror films?"  
"Are you taking me or not?"  
He thought for a moment, and decided to go with it, hoping that it'll take Serena off his mind.  
"Sure, why not."

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**I hope you guys liked it! I hope that wasn't totally horrible because it was mostly just diologue. I also wanted to focus on Dan a little because up until the last chapter he wasn't mentioned all that often and he is important in this story.  
Also, THANK YOU all for the reviews because I LOVE reading feedback :) And please remember to REVIEW to tell me what you thought of this chapter!  
Thanks!  
-Sammy :) **


	7. Rescue

**Sorry about the wait! But I got H1N1 and I just got over the flu, my fever finally got better so I hurried up and wrote this. And I wasn't writing enough S/N so this chapter is full of them just talking.  
****So Enjoy!  
****Disclaimer: I own nothing**  


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Blankets enveloped her. Serena stayed in the bundle for a while, letting her tears stain her sheets and her face. She tried to run after him, but failed. She didn't know how long she stayed there , just that she eventually collapsed from exhaustion. She was lightly shaken awake by a hand nudging her shoulder.  
Rolling over, she allowed herself to focus her eyes on the intruder and just smiled weakly when she saw that it was Nate.  
"I'm sorry, if I didn't go and get drunk this would never have happened and Dan would still be with you and everything would be-"  
"No, don't. I'm fine. Just go." She quietly murmured.  
"Serena," He almost begged, "I know you're not okay about this."  
She sat up and looked up into his green eyes, seeing the plain worry in them. He blamed himself.  
"It's not your fault. Dan just didn't trust me, and he was right to. I deserved it. Now, go-"  
She was cut off with Nate's lips gently pushing against her's. She sat still, shocked, but eventually began to react, pushing all thoughts about Dan away from her mind. His arms crept around her back and she wrapped her arms around his neck. She soon had to pull away for some air, much to her own disappointment.  
They sat in silence for a moment, just thinking and catching their breath.  
"What are we doing?" She said, almost to herself, her voice no higher than a whisper.  
"What do you mean?" Nate asked, confused.  
"I mean, why do we always come back to each other? You were dating Blair, and I came to you and it ended with me running away to boarding school. I came back and I started dating Dan but you still came back to me, nearly ruining your own great relationship in the process, and now here we are again, you break up with Blair and came back to me and now Dan's gone. Why do we always come back to each other?" She said smiling weakly, trying to hide her own sadness.  
"Because we are happy in between the time when one of us comes to the other and the point where we need to separate again. Truly happy." He looked down, thinking for a moment, "It's why we keep on doing this to ourselves. And the reason we never commit is because we're too nice for our own good. Dan and Blair are both mature enough to handle themselves but we both know that they're emotionally unstable. Neither of us want to break them."  
"And by trying to not break them, we end up hurting ourselves and eventually them too. And now look at the wonderful mess we've gotten ourselves into." She said quietly, in regret and sadness.  
Nate looked over at the clock, "It's getting a little late, I should be going." He said regretfully.  
He started getting up but felt a hand hold onto his wrist.  
"Stay with me?"

_Happily ever after?  
Prince Charming (N) came to the rescue apparently. One of my spies got a snapshot of N going back to S's room after Lonely-boy's short visit. My sources tell me that he was never seen out of that room until this morning.  
Speaking of Lonely-boy, he was spotted at the movies with V yesterday. Careful V, we wouldn't want to see you play rebound.  
I wonder what B thinks, she seems to have gone missing so keep your eyes peeled Upper East Siders.  
You know you love me  
XOXO Gossip Girl

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**So what did you think? It was just a chapter of mainly S/N and I know it's short but I don't like extending a chapter to a point where it's mainly fluff. I'll try to make the next one longer. And this is nowhere near the end of the story, I read it over and it looked like a conclusion with the people paired off and everything but it's not, trust me. Once again, THANK YOU to everyone who reviewed and faved this story! You're the reason I write :)  
So remember to REVIEW and tell me what you think!  
Thanks for reading!  
-Sammy **_


	8. Fury

**I suck at updating :( But I tried :P I got a flu of some sort and I was either sleeping or doing homework for the past 2 weeks but I managed to finish this chapter :)  
****Enjoy!**  


* * *

Blair gently rolled over in her bed, nudging Chuck while doing so. He woke up and wrapped his arms around her, much to her own pleasure. She smiled and turned towards him, lightly kissing his lips and running her hand down his arm a little before getting up and getting ready for the day.  
He sat up and grinned at Blair while she got dressed, smirking when she grabbed a bag full of make-up and ran into the washroom.  
Once inside the washroom, she went through her daily routine, shower, wash face with facial wash, brush teeth, apply foundation, apply mascara, put on a hint of lipstick and find something to wear. Just when she finished applying her mascara to perfection, she looked over to the other side of the sink and noticed her phone, instantly remembering that she hasn't checked gossip girl in over a week.  
She scrolled through the meaningless gossip and flipped straight to an entry about Nate from the day before. She smiled, and wondered what pathetic thing her ex was up to.

_Happily ever after?  
Prince Charming (N) came to the rescue apparently. One of my spies got a snapshot of N going back to S's room after Lonely-boy's short visit. My sources tell me that he was never seen out of that room until this morning.  
Speaking of Lonely-boy, he was spotted at the movies with V yesterday. Careful V, we wouldn't want to see you play rebound.  
I wonder what B thinks, she seems to have gone missing so keep your eyes peeled Upper East Siders.  
You know you love me  
XOXO Gossip Girl  
_  
She read the entry over, disbelief clouding her eyes before fury took over. She felt her hand shaking, she couldn't believe it, Nate was with her best friend now. She ran her hand through her brunette locks, trying to decide what to do. _I'm not jealous, I'm NOT jealous, I am not jealous_ She repeated it in her head, hoping for something to take effect but she let her anger get the best of her. She finished putting on her lipstick and threw on a blouse with a designer skirt, giving Chuck a smile dripping with false sweetness on her way out and smirked when he believed she was just heading to class.  
She quickly made her way to her limo and demanded that her driver take her to the hotel Serena was staying at immediately, to which the scared driver obliged.  
The hotel was soon towering over her, and she gulped, hoping that the gossip site lied. She reached into her purse and found the keycard that Serena gave her. Clutching onto it with a nervous hand she walked through the lobby to the elevator. Sooner than she would have liked, she was in front of her door. She could hear nothing on the inside, and suddenly began to regret making her plan. She choked down the uncertainty, after all, Nate wouldn't date her best friend after they broke up, would he?  
She stopped for a moment, trying to breath for a minute in case she began to hyperventilate. Her hand reached forward and unlocked the door, pushing it open with her hand and looking inside. Her eyes moved past the couch, past the TV, to the bed where Nate and Serena were still sleeping.  
Hurt pulsed through her before the fury took over. She stormed into the room.  
"Serena! You fucking bitch! How could you?!" Blair shrieked at her.  
Serena sat up in shock and stuttered out, "Look Blair, calm down-"  
"Calm down!?!? I just caught my best friend sleeping with my ex-boyfriend and I'm supposed to be calm?," She took a deep breath, "I was right all along," she continued quietly, turning towards Nate who was now looking at her in shock, "You were cheating on me all along weren't you? I suspected something but I-I can't believe you two." Tears were now running down her face, mascara smudging along the way, "I knew you were both whores but this is going too far."  
She turned and ran away, trying to get as far as possible from the truth that she has been avoiding for far too long.  


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**It's dramatic but I felt like the story was a bit too happy. And I'm trying not to make Blair sound like a bitch but that's a part of her personality. THANK YOU to EVERYONE who has been reviewing and adding this story to their alerts and faving because I REALLY appreciate the suppport! And I really don't reply to all my reviews because to be honest I usually have nothing to say back other than THANK YOU so don't be offended if I don't reply ;)**

**Thanks for reading!  
-Sammy **


	9. The Limo

**I know I suck at updating :( But this chapter was harder to write and I am failing history -_- I also started reading some bandslash (Fall out boy, Panic! at the disco, Cobra Starship, The Acadamy Is... ect) and after I finish writing this story I'm going to just do one-shots in those general catagories for a while since I've never written any guy/guy slash yet and school really affects my writing time so I won't have time for chaptered stories until I get a break. But that's enough random stuff, enjoy!  
****Disclaimer: I own nothing, Gossip girl doesn't belong to me.**

* * *

Nate ran after Blair. After she ran off he jumped out of bed and threw on a shirt and a pair of jeans, running after her, shouting out an "I am so sorry" to Serena on his way out.  
Eventually he caught up to Blair who was leaning against the Hotel alleyway, letting choked sobs go through her, He wrapped his arms around her without any protests on her part and whispered sweet nothings into her ear until the sobs stopped.  
She nudged his arms off, turned and walked off to her limo quietly without another word to Nate.  
Nate followed her, knowing she wouldn't object. He climbed into the car and waited for it to start moving before he started talking.  
"Blair, we need to sort this out. I don't understand why you're so mad about this! You have Chuck now! Isn't that enough?"  
"No," She turned, unable to hold his gaze, "Because you still have no clue how much it hurt me to stay with you during those months after Chuck sent me an e-mail telling me that you were cheating on me with Serena. Then I started noticing the subtle looks you gave her, the way you would stare into her eyes and daze off into your own world."  
"Did you notice when we broke it off all together?" He sighed and looked down at his palms, "We did cheat, and I am still sorry about it but we broke it off to prevent this from happening." He looked back into her eyes, "We never wanted you to find out."  
"And hiding behind me, sneaking around with my best friend, and fucking her every other night is supposed to be a better option?" She snapped, her eyes growing dark, "I suspected something the whole time, I was hoping it was just another lie that Chuck made up, but obviously it wasn't." She glared at the boy, "He sent me a picture, you were leaning in towards her and it looked like you were about to kiss."  
"And at what point did you decide sneaking off with Chuck would be a good idea?"  
"When he showed me that he could be far more honest then you'll ever be. He warned me about you two, and when he showed me the picture of you two making out in that hotel I knew I couldn't be with you a minute longer," She looked at him with wide, hurt eyes, "I wish I could say I was sorry, but I'm not."  
"But I broke it off with Serena over half a year ago!"  
Blair turned towards him, "And you still love her." It wasn't a question, but a statement.  
"No, I-I don't." He leaned back and looked her in the eye, "I don't love her anymore. I love _you_." He tried to say with more confidence.  
"Nate, you've always been a horrible liar. When I was still with you, no matter where I was, I could still see the looks you gave her. Whenever she was upset you would always drift closer to her, wanting to comfort her. And just now when I ran out from her room, I saw the hesitation in your eyes to follow me before I ran, you were worried that she'll become an emotional wreck." She spoke, her voice almost monotonous.  
"But that still doesn't prove that I love her."  
"Will you stop lying to yourself? When will you see that you have never loved me?" Her voice grew louder with every word.  
Nate saw the pool of liquid at the base of her eyes and began to reach forward on instinct, wanting to wipe them away but felt his hands being swatted away.  
"You still don't get it do you? I can't ever forgive you after what you did to me. Just go." She signaled for the driver to pull over and open the door before she pushed him out onto the sidewalk, causing multiple people to look over with confused expressions.  
He slowly pushed himself up from the dirt ridden surface and brushed himself off, not caring how many preteen girls were snapping photos of him as the limo drove off. Digging his hands into his pockets, he shuffled along the roads, making his way towards the nearest bar.

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**I'm sorry if that made no sense because the plot is kinda complicated, Blair was cheating on Nate because after Chuck told her that Nate was cheating on her, she eventually believed him and went with chuck, but after he gave her solid proof that they had an affair she broke things off with Nate. Also, special thanks to Marissa Davis and isabellaa for reviewing on nearly every chapter I've posted :) You guys are AWESOME.  
So yeah...thanks for reading, I'll try to write out the next chapter asap, and please review because I want to hear what you guys think.  
Thanks!  
-Sammy **


	10. Coffee

**Sorry for the lack of updates, but it's FINALLY the winter holidays so I can get some writing done now :)  
Enjoy!  
Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
**

* * *

Serena looked at the open door, wondering if she should run after him. She decided against it, he would want to talk to Blair. Lightly running her hands through her hair, she made her way into the bathroom. When she was done, she just sat on her bed, thinking. The past week has been a complete mess, she somehow managed to screw up every meaningful relationship she had left. Frowning at the awkward silence, she got dressed and walked out of the stuffy hotel room, heading towards a local coffee shop.  
Walking through the small shop, she noticed the people. A little boy was there, with his brother. Their mom gave them two cars and the younger one was trying to decide between the two, a focused expression on his face as he looked between the red car and the purple one, finally deciding on the red one and handing the other to his brother, a look of unwillingness on his face. Serena smiled at them, thinking back to when she was a child and the only important things In life were her parents, her friends, and playtime. She wanted those days back.  
Their mom stopped paying attention, she was drinking coffee from a white paper cup, letting the smoke rise into the air. Serena snapped out of her trance, she didn't realize that she was staring at the family. Turning around, she remembered why she came into the shop in the first place. She walked up to the wooden counter and ordered a latte and bought a copy of the magazine on the table, before she took her drink and the magazine with her to a small table in the corner. Serena thought about what Nate and Blair were doing, if he went back to her, if she was willing to forgive and forget. She mentally sighed, she knew Blair well enough to know that it would never be that simple, Blair always needed revenge with a full blown apology before she considers forgiveness- eloping to Europe for half a year works too.  
She relaxed for a while, looking through the gossip filled booklet, smiling every once in a while when she found something interesting.  
A hand lightly tapped her shoulder. She jumped a little and turned around to find Dan there, looking at her with an unsure expression on his face.  
"Hey, Dan!" Serena exclaimed, before she realized what she was doing.  
"Hey Serena, what are you doing here? I thought you didn't like coffee."  
"I'm okay with it. I could be asking you the same thing, don't you usually visit Vanessa's coffee shop?"  
"We have some…issues." She dropped the subject, sensing that he didn't want to elaborate.  
a long moment of awkward silence followed, Dan sat down on the seat in front of her, his own cup of coffee in hand, compensating what to say.  
"Look Serena, I'm sorry."  
"What?"  
"I'm sorry, I jumped to conclusions way too quickly and Vanessa had me worked up and Gossip Girl said stuff and now I'm just babbling. I'm sorry I yelled at you and I'm sorry I didn't believe you when you said you didn't sleep with Nate but I do now so can we go back to normal now?" He finished with a shy smile, waiting for a response.  
An unbelievable amount of guilt washed through Serena, her body froze at his words. Her head felt dizzy, she quickly went through the things she could say to him. She considered telling the truth, coming clean. But another side of her head thought otherwise, she could lie, no one would know. Except for Nate and Blair but they would understand. Mentally scowling at herself, she pushed the thoughts out of her head and replied as honestly as possible.  
"Dan, I need to tell you something."  
"What?"  
"I didn't sleep with Nate _that_ night," his smile faded away, replaced by hurt, "After you left, Nate came back."  
Without another word, Dan stood up and walked out of the shop. Serena leaned back in her chair, knowing not to follow him. She picked up her things, deciding to head back to the hotel as a tear crept down her face. It was official; she has officially screwed everything up.  
Walking along the street, she saw Nate stumbling on the sidewalk on the next block. She rubbed her eyes, making sure it wasn't her imagination. But it was real.  
Before she could say anything, Nate turned, his feet carrying him onto the open road where drivers panicked and swerved. It happened before she was aware that it wasn't only a nightmare. A car rammed into him, hitting his hip at an awkward angle.  
Time seemed to freeze. Serena stood there, frozen, watching police crowd the area, followed by a few ambulances. Paramedics jumped out, helping carry Nate into the white van. She watched them hook him up to various wires and examine him before the white doors closed and they drove off, leaving the police there to clean up the mess.

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**I hope that was okay :) I know I suck when it comes to updating but school has been killing me. And I also plan on going back to some of my other stories, well, my first couple of stories and rewriting them a little. Mainly just "An Unpleasant Discovery" because I've been looking it over and it looks very...badly written since it was my first attempt at writing. The plot will end up the same but I'll just edit it a bit. I'll also be working on some Bandslash stuff for LiveJournal because I've always wanted to try writing that stuff so I'll bacically just have my eyes glued to the screen all through the holidays :P I'm sorry for the cliffhanger, I'll work on the next chapter right now :)  
** **Thanks for reading, Thanks for the reviews and please tell me what you think of this chapter!  
****-Sammy6618**


	11. Hospital

**The update is finally done! Took me a while too since I had to think a LOT about where the characters were mentally and their reactions to the event. Christmas just passed too so MERRY (Late) CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!(Or happy holidays to those who don't celebrate)  
Enjoy!  
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the strange plot.  
**

* * *

_Don't Drink and Walk  
You heard it here first: I just got a large amount of tips regarding N and a car accident. Interesting. One of my spies got a video of our golden boy tripping over his own feet while walking into the road. Didn't your daddy teach you not to drink and walk? But the video, unfortunately can't confirm that it's N yet. Either way, keep your eyes peeled Upper East Siders because I smell a scandal or at least a decent story. I'll keep you all updated.  
XOXO Gossip Girl_

The off-white walls began to make Serena feel dizzy. She has sat in the waiting room for about 2 hours now. The doctors were still behind that blue door with Nate, performing emergency surgery while his mom tried to get there as soon as possible from Toronto.  
_He's okay, he's perfectly fine, it's probably only a broken bone, nothing serious. It's only a slight bump on his hip, it can't be anything serious. _ Serena repeated in her head.  
Blair had burst into the hospital around an hour ago, demanding to see Nate but she got the same reply from the middle-aged nurse as Serena did.  
"I'm sorry but no one is allowed into the operating room. Please stay in the waiting room and wait until the doctors are ready for you to come in."  
Chuck eventually arrived too, giving Serena a smirk as a greeting before sitting with Blair.  
The hours slowly went by and the tension in the room didn't cease. Serena sighed and looked at the clock that was hung on the wall for the 20th time that hour, wishing it would go faster. She couldn't help but feel guilty, after all, she could have followed him. Looking down at her hands, she saw that the edge of the nail on her index finger had a bit of blood on it from picking at it so much.  
Some of the other people started to leave the room until only Serena, Blair, and Chuck were left.  
Blair gave up first and got tired of pacing around the small room, she motioned for Chuck to stay where he was and not follow her before she sighed and briskly walked out the door.  
The silence was consuming. Serena stared at the wall, aware of the awkward atmosphere that seemed to suddenly appear now that Blair was gone, and debated on what to do.  
Chuck didn't seem to mind nor care, he looked through the contacts on his cell phone and his schedule mindlessly until a nurse came in and told him that cell phones were not allowed in the hospital. A seemingly permanent scowl formed on his face.  
He must have gotten tired of waiting just as Blair did and strode out of the room, hoping to bribe a nurse into letting him in to see Nate.  
Serena stayed in her seat and waited until a nurse came in and told her they were ready for her to come in now. The nurse led her through a maze of hallways and doors until they reached a room that had beds lined up against the walls with curtains separating them. Serena saw Nate immediately and walked up to him, taking notice of the doctor examining him and checking over the wires that were hooked onto his arm.  
"Hi, you must be his girlfriend, Serena?"  
"How is he?" Serena replied, not bothering to correct him.  
"Nothing that can't be fixed: Broken leg, fractured hip, large amounts of alcohol in his system- we had to pump his stomach a little-and some blood loss", He listed from his clipboard, "But he should be fine after staying here for a month or two."  
Serena let out the breath that she didn't realize she was holding and looked down at Nate who was still unconscious.  
"He should be awake in an hour or so, you're free to stay for now." He finished, smiling, walking towards another patient.  
She sat down on the gray chair next to the bed and just looked at him. A bulky cast was wrapped around his hip and his right leg, and an IV was connected to his arm with a clear medication dripping through the wire. She thought about saying something, but she decided not to, knowing that he wouldn't hear her anyways.  
Blair and Chuck were led over a couple minutes later. Blair looked him over, seemingly frozen with shock while Chuck's facial expression didn't show anything but mild interest.  
They stayed like that for a while, just looking at Nate, and not a word was spoken because none of them had anything to say. A single tear leaked from Blair's eye, the clear liquid trailing down her cheek before dripping into the tiled floor. Chuck saw this and tried to lead her away but she stopped him and nudged him off.  
Serena's phone buzzed from a text message so she went outside to see what it was. Once she was outside, away from the nurses who frown at cell phones, she looked at the screen:  
_From: Dan  
Subject: -no subject-  
Hey Serena, we need to talk. Meet me at that coffee shop in an hour or so.  
-Dan_

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__

_**I hope that was decent :P It was one of my more rushed chapters. I also need to rewrite a lot of stuff from other fics, don't worry, nothing is being deleted, just replaced over time with some corrections here and there. Once again a BIG thank you to the people who read this story! Thank you for putting up with my horrible updating patterns!  
** **Thanks for reading! You guys are awesome!  
****-Sammy :)**  
_


	12. Offer

**School is back (unfortunately)! So Updates might be slower but this story only has a couple chapters left so it shouldn't be that bad.  
****Enjoy!  
****Disclaimer: If I owned Gossip Girl, would I be here?**  


* * *

Serena paused outside the red door and looked through the glass window. Sure enough, Dan was inside, at a small table by himself. She almost didn't want to go in, but she was already there so she pushed on the door and walked inside the coffee shop.  
Dan saw her immediately and nodded, noticing her presence and gesturing to the seat in front of him. Cautiously, Serena walked towards him, wondering how he changed his mood so quickly.  
"Hey Dan."  
"Hi Serena, you showed up." He smiled, enjoying that fact.  
"Was I not supposed to?"  
"No-No, look, I've been doing some thinking and I asked you to come here because we obviously have some issues going on at the moment."  
Serena nodded and looked at him intently, waiting for him to continue.  
"And-I suck at this- but I just really want to sort it all out. I don't want it to turn into another one of those situations that make us ignore each other and our friends take sides."  
Serena just gawked at him, not sure if he was joking or not. His eyes just looked back at her and didn't show any signs of dishonesty. She couldn't ignore the feeling of guilt that hit her once she realized Dan was trying to forgive her and looked down at the table.  
"So, I have an idea."  
She looked up at him with curiosity, "What?"  
He reached in his pocket and pulled out a brochure with two plane tickets tucked within, holding it out for her.  
Briefly glancing at the bundle, she saw the words 'Writers convention' at the top and looked at him with confusion.  
"What's this?"  
"Optional." he smirked at her expression and continued, "It's a writers convention in San Francisco, and its 3 weeks long. They invited me and the plane leaves in 2 days."  
"But what does this have to do with me?"  
"I'm inviting you. There are 2 tickets. We can leave for 3 weeks, sort all this out and see where we stand in our relationship because in case you haven't realized it, said relationship isn't very stable at the moment." He paused, lowering his voice. "And I don't want to lose you, whether it's as my friend or my girlfriend, despite all that's happened." He looked up at her, finished with his rant.  
"But I can't leave" She said almost apologetically after a few moments of silence, "Nate's in the hospital, I can't just leave him."  
"Well, he has Blair, and Chuck and his mother. He won't be completely alone." He said defensively.  
He looked at her, waiting for her to say something and he forced himself not to look away when she didn't say anything in return, only looked at him with wide eyes.  
He sighed and looked down for a moment. "Look, why don't you think about it for a day and get back to me with your decision sometime tomorrow." He forced a brief smile to cross his face, "You know where to find me."  
Dan picked up his jacket with the brochure and one of the plane tickets, leaving the other for Serena.  
"I'll see you around." He said quietly before walking out of the coffee shop.  
Serena stared at the ticket on the table, and where there should have been a million emotions and thoughts, there was nothing. Instead, her head was numbingly blank, struggling to force her body to get up and walk out of the coffee shop, ticket in hand.  
She made herself reach forward at some point, picking up the piece of paper and getting up carefully to go outside.  
Someone tapped her shoulder, making her jump. Serena frowned internally, unaware that she was so tense, but turned around anyways and saw the woman from the counter giving her the purse that she must have left behind on the table. Serena thanked her and tried to make it look like she wasn't running away from the shop when all she wanted to do was rush back home as soon as possible.

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**Sorry about the slightly shorter chapter but I didn't want to fluff it up too much. But I want to know, do you guys want Serena to go with Dan or Nate? It's not going to directly affect the story since I already know how the story will end, it's just a question.  
Thanks For Reading!  
-Sammy6618 **


	13. Debate

**Sorry about the wait! I've always sucked at first POVs and I needed to figure out how to write this chapter in a way that doesn't reveal who I made Serena choose. So without further babbling on my part,  
Enjoy!  
Disclaimer: I don't own them, so don't sue.**

* * *

Serena's POV  
I never realized my room could be so quiet. My choices have now materialized before my eyes. It's Nate or Dan. With me choosing one of them.  
I knew that going with either one meant something even though no one would come right out and say it. It meant I was choosing one and allowing the other to go with someone else. I felt like the boy in the coffee shop, choosing between two equally good things.  
The problem was who to choose. Hurting one was inevitable.  
I stopped pacing and slumped down into the couch, letting my sore legs rest and the sound of my breathing with the dull smell of dust and alcohol take over. It was numbing to say the least. Traffic could be heard from the window.  
I wished I had more time, one day is not nearly enough to decide. Nate doesn't even know that by tomorrow I could be packing.  
A thought went through my head. Nate. He would be conscious by now. Sitting in the hospital with Blair, Chuck too if he hasn't ran off in search of the nearest bar yet. I _could_ choose him, and he would never have to know about any of this. About San Francisco. About the coffee shop. He wouldn't have to know. And Dan could move on. But I couldn't do that, couldn't bring the cell phone up to my face and press '3' to speed dial Dan. Something was forcing me to keep my hands still.  
_Nate would still be fine if you left. The doctor said it himself._ I rubbed my head in frustration, knowing my head was right. Logically, I didn't _have_ to be there. And he would understand, understand that I had stuff to work out. Wouldn't he?  
I reached forward towards the coffee table for the plane ticket, looking at it but not quite absorbing any of the information on it. I ran my thumb along the small print and watched the letters spelling out "San Francisco" appear to grow bigger and take over the thin sheet of paper in my hand.  
Something sank inside my stomach when I finally began to comprehend that this decision was irreversible, I choose one and the other is gone. Or would Nate wait for me?  
I pushed the thought out of my head, almost revolted that I could think that way. _Nate would move on, find someone else, allow you to be with Dan. _My head patronized, adding that this was simply logic. I found myself frowning at that thought. _But it's only fair, you can't keep him from being happy. _ Another part of my head piped in. _However, you can make him happy. You could be there, in Blair's place. It could be you._  
The internal dilemma started to make my head ache a little so I got out of my seat on the couch and strode over to the kitchen where I knew some form of caffeine would be stored in the cupboards. My mouth curved up into a smile when I saw the half-empty bag of coffee beans and I started the basic process for making some coffee. When I opened the bag, the bitter smell hit me, and I couldn't help but be reminded of Dan and his addict-like relationship with coffee. I smiled a little more, allowing the memories to take over for a little while.  
Flashbacks of old dates and general time spent together started to appear before my eyes and the question still hung above me, was I truly ready to give him up?  
Eventually, I became aware that I was just standing there, looking into blank space and reminiscing over the past. _The past. But it could be your future, you can go with him, sort everything out, stay with him. You don't have to stay here._ My thoughts were beginning to annoy me.  
The quiet beep from the coffee machine informed me that the coffee was done so I grabbed a nearby mug, carefully filling up half of it with the black beverage before filling the other half with milk and sugar. I took a whiff of the mixture and furrowed my eyebrows when I remembered that I never truly liked coffee, and that the only reason I made it was because Dan wanted some. But it was my only source of caffeine at the moment so I took a gulp, indifferent towards the bitter aftertaste.  
I soon realized that I would never be able to choose on my own so I decided to let luck take over and decide for me. I reached into my jeans pocket, rummaging for the quarter that I knew would be there. A form of guilt briefly made an appearance, telling me that I should decide on my own, using emotions and how I feel but I ignored it, flicking my thumb and watching the coin drop onto the floor with a light _plunk_.  
Kneeling down, I picked up the quarter and examined the bumpy designs on the surface. It was heads.  
I expected something, some form of hesitance to wash through me, but I knew the decision has been made and I accepted it.  
I grabbed my cell phone and composed the short text message before sending it to Dan.

* * *

**I hope that was decent! Also, I read over all your reviews from the last chapter, there seems to be a LOT of S/N fans reading this :P But I need to update my summary because I realize now that this story isn't as focused on S/N as it should be, it's mainly a Serena-centric fic so I'll change that :P  
I know it's a bit of a cliffhanger, but I'm going to start on the next chapter right now, and I promise I won't delay the ending anymore. I also realized that there are a couple extra/deleted scenes that I forgot to post, they're pretty much the "what ifs" that I started working on before I wrote the preface. So I'll work on editing those and try to have them up after I post the final chapter :) THANKS for all the reviews and support from everyone! I really appreciate it :)  
Thanks for reading,  
Sammy**


	14. The Ever After

**I am FINALLY done! :D After many months of endless procrastination and staying up til late editing, this is (technically) the end of the story!  
****-Enjoy!**  


* * *

  
She tried not to stumble over her feet as her feet carried her across the slippery, tiled, floor. She had two suitcases in tow, their wheels making a scraping sound as they protested against the lack of friction. But Serena didn't mind, she just knew she had to hurry up. The plane would be leaving soon and she still needed to find Dan.  
He was spotted soon enough, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly, obviously trying to figure out how to unfold the luggage cart. Serena smiled and felt a giggle coming on but refrained for the sake of Dan's dignity.  
She walked forward, waiting for him to see her and acknowledge that she had arrived. But when he didn't she just snuck up from behind him and poked his side, making him bend over sideways, holding his side in pain and half-screaming "Ow!" with fake anger.  
"Hi to you too." She replied, holding her arms out as if expecting a hug.  
"Hey, that hurt!" He pouted a little.  
"Stop being such a baby and help me with the luggage cart already!" She teased, turning her attention towards the fore mentioned cart.  
Dan refrained from saying "Am not!", noticing how they're already falling into their old pattern and tried to help her with her bags.  
Once they were done, they sat down together on some waiting chairs, waiting for the airport to announce that their plane was boarding.  
She felt something vibrate in her jeans, so she reached in for her phone. She got a text message, and according to the screen, it was from Blair. It read:  
_From: B  
Subject: Where are u?  
Serena, where are u? u just left! Reply ASAP._

She decided to ignore it, Blair would figure it out once her limo driver gets to the hospital, assuming he hasn't messed something up.  
Serena could still remember the frantic feeling she got yesterday as she scrambled to pack her bags and call her mom at the same time, trying to explain to her why she had to do this. Multitasking proved to be a lot harder than it looked.  
At some point she scribbled out a letter to Nate--telling him exactly why she had to do this—which she gave to the limo driver with specific instructions to bring it to the hospital and ask for Nate. He would understand, hopefully.  
_Would all the passengers for the San Francisco flight please make their way to the boarding area now. Thank you._ The female voice range out over the crowded airport.  
"I think that's our flight."  
"Yeah, let's go."

**Meanwhile**  
Serena's Driver watched the glass doors to the hospital slide open, revealing the flurry of activity on the inside. The secretary looked up from her file sorting at him with a look of confusion, as if expecting him to pull out a gun or something  
"Excuse me, I've been given instructions to give this to Nate Archibald." He said, slightly out of breath from rushing over to the hospital.  
He handed the slightly crumpled envelope to the woman who eyed it skeptically before she took it and handed it to a passing nurse, whispering instructions into her ear.  
Nate was conscious and staring at the small TV that he was provided with, waiting for Blair to come back from the cafeteria with her coffee in hand. When the nurse walked in he was surprised when she gave him an envelope with his name scribbled across the top before walking away again. Naturally curious as to what it was, he opened the envelope and took out the sheet of folded paper that had a form of messy scrawl on it that was undeniably Serena's.

_Hey Nate. It's Serena. Before you continue reading this I just want to say that I am sorry.__I'm on a plane by now, heading for San Francisco with Dan. But I can explain, there's a writer's convention going on.  
This will sound terrible but I flipped a coin, I wanted to stay, I really did, but I also wanted to go. You know things are really fucked up right now, he offered a way out. He offered to fix things.  
When the coin said "heads", I- I don't know, I was expecting something. Devastation. Hesitance. Something.  
__ I guess this whole time I was just waiting for that spark that would make me love you but all I got was the smoke from an old flame. It told me to go with Dan and I thought I'd feel something for you but I didn't. __I'm sorry.  
But this can be good for us, I've done some thinking and I finally realized that I never loved you. Well, I do love you, but I never actually fell in love. You were my comfort, my friend, my shoulder to cry on, and I was the same for you. And think about it, did you ever really love me more than you care about Blair?  
The convention ends in three weeks. I'll be back and I don't know what condition my relationship with Dan will be by then but I'm hoping that it'll be in decent shape. I'm not asking you to wait for me, not in the least. This is your chance to sort things out with Blair too. She loves you, just like you love her. Everyone seems to see it but you two.  
I'm not saying what we did was a mistake, because it's only a mistake if I regret it and frankly, I don't.  
I hope you understand why I have to do this. __I love you.__ I wish I loved you enough to stay.  
-Serena  


* * *

**First, I'm sorry to those who were expecting something different from the ending, but I've had this planned out since the beginning of the story, I wrote out that letter to Nate first before I even started any of the story. If you read through the story again, you might see the hints that she will choose Dan in the end. There are some other scenes that were taken out and if I ever get around to editing through them, I'll put them up as a deleted scene. But for now, I feel like I need a break from the Gossip Girl fandom, and try writing for bandom on livejournal. Thanks for all your support and I hope I did this story justice even though I'm not that great a writer.  
Thanks for reading!  
-Sammy **_


	15. The Alternate Ending

**So I know that a lot of people were confused about the ending so I'll explain. The basic idea is that Serena doesn't really change in the end, she still puts everyone else ahead of herself and chose Dan in order to make everyone else happy. In her head, Nate still loves Blair and Blair cared enough to stay with Nate at the hospital showing that she still cares about him. Which is why the letter sounded slightly odd with her clearly stating that she doesn't love him when throughout the story you clearly see that she does.  
But I did consider an alternate ending, which was Serena choosing Nate instead.  
****Enjoy!**_**  
**

* * *

From: Serena  
Subject: no subject  
The plane ticket is in ur mailbox. Take V instead. She loves you, and she deserves you more than I do. I'm sorry, but Nate needs me.  
-S_

She read the message over 10 times, unable to believe that she actually sent it.  
The ride to the hospital was short and silent. She almost lost herself within the blurred colors outside the tinted windows. When she arrived, the scene was nearly exactly the same as when she left.  
Nate was sprawled out on the cot in the too-white room, attached to an IV that was slowly dripping. His eyes were closed, obviously in a deep sleep.  
She stood over the bed and silently watched him, noticing the way his facial features relax when he's asleep, making him look years younger. A young nurse who looked to be in her early 20s padded into the room, quickly checking over the tubes attached to his hand and the moniters.  
"Um, excuse me, do you know where Blair Waldorf is? She was here just yesterday. She has red hair and brown eyes."  
"Ah, yes. Ms Waldorf left this morning with Mr Bass. Do you need to contact her?"  
"No thank you, that's all I needed to know." She smiled at the nurse and waited for her to leave before she directed her attention back to the sleeping boy.  
His eyes stirred a little and slowly opened.  
He just laid there for a moment, taking in the room and refocusing his eyes to the afternoon lighting before he remembered that he wasn't alone.  
"Hi, Serena." He smiled, happy to see her.  
"Hi."  
_  
~Anything can become an addiction if given the right dosage~  
-Anonymous_

_

* * *

_**Sorry about not posting this earlier but I wanted to wait awhile :) There's a third ending too which I'll see if I can write out as soon as possible.  
Thanks For Reading!  
-Sammy **


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